That

Fucking sucks. I didn't think this is how I would feel. GAH

Yogurt

People are rarely with the people they belong with. Compatibility seems to mean nothing. Instead of two puzzle pieces fitting into each other, they are more like two pieces of play-doh being jammed into each other. I mean, the play-doh can't not fit, but it ends up being just a bigger blog of nothing. Play-doh is not something to form a foundation of a serious relationship on. I mean it works, but it seems like potential is being wasted. Relationships should be between two like souls that care for each other deeply. Two pieces of the same puzzle. I'm gonna work on that.

Clarity.

As I was walking home about 15 minutes ago from film class, with my delicious lunch in hand, a thought popped in my head. Why would I transfer schools? What are the real reasons? The only one I could feel comfortable saying was that I miss my brother. And I come home often enough, so its really not a problem. Then from there I had a sort of mental chain reaction where everything became so clear. Why not use my love of history to teach my way through law school? Finally something that I can aim for, and finally relieving the stress of not really knowing what I'm doing. I was never sure what I wanted to do, other than get into politics. And I think this might be the way to do it. Meet people teaching, meet them in law school, get active in the community, then bam, politics. Who knows. So I think I'm gonna stay at OSU, as long as I can keep justifying it in my head. And figure out if it really feels right in my heart. Is staying here, and deciding, and by deciding, relieving the stress, just the easy way out? Or if I persevere through the transfer process, will the reward be greater spiritually, and possibly financially? I dunno, but what I do know is that now that I've laid it all out, I'm back in control. And damn it feels good.

Sidenote: I feel that about 80 percent of the students in my film class will never open their mind and really search for what the film is trying to do. They think that they are making intelligent comments on lighting, when the Dogme 95 films specifically use natural lighting. If they'd read, they would know these sorts of things. They'd also have a better chance of understanding the plot, and getting invested in the rich characters. Pedestrians

Welllllll, thats all for today, gotta eat and then go PAWMP. Seeyaaaaaa

Shelled

I mean fast, cuz that's how I'm moving. You can't follow me without feeling some heat, and I may be gone by the time you leave your seat, quick. So pick up the pace and catch the stride, cuz without it you'll never survive chasing me down as I fly away, away from it all, high on inspiration and adrenaline.

Hmm. Yeah.

Karka Marka Darka

I don't see why everyone is bitching about Haiti getting so much media attention. They deserve it! 200,000 people are dead, I can't even imagine how many families are torn apart. Shouldn't it be the moral responsibility of a fucking human being to better the lives of others? I'm so sick of the selfish, backwards, and shallow culture that has manifested itself. I would want as much help as possible if my family were in any sort of trouble, let alone a 7 earthquake hitting a country with almost no infrastructure, and is the size of Los Angeles County! What the fuck people! I just donated, and I wish I could do so much more, but in all honesty, I'm afraid to break out of the caste I've been put in. The college road, the path I started on the day I graduated middle school. I'm not sure if I'll ever find the courage to break free. I need more creativity in my life, and I'm also missing one more thing. It came to me in an almost revelatory moment tonight, I'm missing love. I am void of any real deep feeling at the moment, and have been for a few months. I think it might be the cause of my distress the past few months. What is my motivation? I need someone to think about. The last person I truly cared for has been out of my thoughts for a long time now, and maybe someone like her is what I need. I dunno. Peace.

Microlending

http://www.kiva.org/

Do it, I'm gonna.

Turtles

I need to make a move. This upcoming weekend holds promise.

I am

The trash talk king when I am drunk. Boom headshot.

Good

Morning. Last night was sweet. Definitely need a nap. Goodnight world.

Vector Man

Going to an a Winter Involvement Fair tonight. I'm really getting stir crazy not being involved with anything, so hopefully I'll find something I wanna do. Except frats, fuck frats. They advertised a hot chocolate bar, so even if there isn't anything good, it won't be a complete loss. Hahaha.

Reason

This city has some of the coldest nights, I swear. My hands were so cold they were warm. Nothing really to say, I guess routine is starting to kick in. All I have is that literally before I sat down to post, I look at a dollar bill that I got as change today, and instead of "In God We Trust", someone crossed out God and wrote Reason. Hmm. I like that. I like it a lot. I think this country was founded on reason, not god. Maybe God was to sell the idea, to seize the moral high ground, but maybe everything boils down to logic. Reason. I mean, man has the ability to reason correct? Is that what sets us apart from every other species on this rock? Its what gives us the right to seize the top of the food chain and slowly destroy everything around us? Obviously. No. Life is good, but it could be better. Another day.

Bicycle Thief

My film class finally kicked into gear, and we watched a classic, "Bicycle Thief". It was made in 1948 and it was one of the first pieces of Italian Cinema after the war. Its a simple plot, but its a wonderful film, if you keep your mind open and let yourself go into the film. Most people in the class did not. They panned it for the less than great acting and "overly simple plot." I'm sure. The story is much deeper than that, its about struggling to keep your family alive and out of poverty during a rough time, all the while trying to face a theft and keep your morals. People in the class were way too quick to judge this movie, and they made themselves look like an idiot to all the people who could appreciate. The movie also had the historical significance (lol History Major), of being one of the first movies after the war to make film an art form again, not just military propaganda. The Bicycle Thief is as tasteful as it is complex. I'm going to love this class.

Resolve

Sooooooo I first want to come out and just say sorry for the lack of posting, its just so much has been happening that I felt like I couldn't just skip over it all and move on. So I kept pushing it back, but I finally have plenty of free time to write everything down.

I've been dating Tia since before Christmas, and its going alright. She isn't my girlfriend, and I know about half will understand what I mean. I don't think having a serious relationship and trying to start school at a massive campus 140 miles away was a good idea. At first she didn't like it, but I think we've both warmed up to the idea. I went home last week, so we really haven't been through a true test of distance, so who knows what is going to happen. I don't.

This winter break I spent a ridiculous amount of time with my family, and even though I fall in love with Columbus more and more everytime I'm out and about(believe me, I've already walked miles and miles around this place), I think of home and miss my brother, and then my parents, and then our old house, and I'm really not sure how I feel about being this homesick. Transferring home is still a very viable possibility. Ugh.

Main Campus is ridiculously awesome. I cannot wait to take my bike around campus and take hundreds of pictures. First thaw, I'm definitely on top of that. For a person like me that gets stirred up about scenery and architecture its the perfect place. You see places that you just want to be, want to be a part of, people you want to meet, and I just get plain excited everyday. Take for instance, The RPAC, the main gym on campus. 5 floors of physical activity. Literally basketball courts on top of basketball courts, next to raquetball courts, in between rows of cardio equipment. Seriously, they could probably power the place on the amount of kinetic energy in the treadmills. It just gives me a joyous feeling inside that all that this gigantic campus has to offer is mine for the taking. Maybe I should?

I know my last post was a little out of character, but I just kept thinking of the future, and I let everything build up. All it took was one thing to click in my head, and then I had everything under control. I will never let myself feel that scattered again, and for the future, who knows in the long run, but for right now everything is almost as good as it can get. Almost.

If you still read this, I think you may know what I mean.

Well thats it for now, lucky me having easy classes this quarter, and a bomb meal plan, so I get to play video games instead of looking for food or studying. The next posts should be back to normal. Boom, outta here.

Not good

I am so scattered and all over the place. I feel like I was shattered and strewn across a giant open field. I'm being stretched so thin, and I have no idea where to begin to put myself together. Everything is coming down on me right now, and I just want to sleep. This is going to be a rough first week, but here on out, I look upwards.

Whiteout

So.Much.Snow.

New Years Wrap-up tomorrow.

Out